


Guilt

by bintellectualmalec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments (Movies)
Genre: M/M, idk - Freeform, in a very boyfriendy way, inspired by tonights episode, it made me happy, so this is just magnus helping my son alec out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:36:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9528044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bintellectualmalec/pseuds/bintellectualmalec
Summary: Alec comes to Magnus to talk after dealing with Iris. Magnus helps in the best way he can.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so i just really loved the dynamic of alec coming to magnus when he needed to talk to someone who could understand him more intimately, it made me feel so warm and fuzzy so i really wanted to add on a little to this before the do the date next week

Magnus takes a walk around his loft, after finishing the last bit of a potion for one of his unbearable clients requested and finally has a seat, snapping his fingers and making a drink appear, tiredly taking a sip and throwing his head back and groaning from the exhaustion of the day he's had.

Suddenly he hears a rush of air on his patio and sees a reflection of a person sitting on the railing in his window and smiles, seeing that it's Alec before immediately panicking seeing that there are additional bruises on his arms and wrists.

He rushes to the patio placing his drink down somewhere along the way, and then is standing in front a beaten and tired Alec who has dark spots under his eyes and eys themselves are bloodshot from what looks to be lack of sleep.

"Alexander, what have you gotten yourself into?" He says grabbing his wrist and softly caressing over the purple toned skin, looking up at him with sadness in his eyes, "Please don't tell me you're still continuing to not let yourself heal and beating yourself up after all we talked about."

He shakes his head but not looking Magnus in the eye, "I talked to Clary finally. I felt like I owed her something. I am the one who killed her m-"

Magnus cuts him off quickly, "You did not kill Jocelyn. The demon who possessed your body killed Jocelyn. You cannot place blame upon yourself in a place where you were not in control of your own actions. It's not fair to you."

"I know, I know, I couldn't help this though. I have this lingering guilt around me. I feel like a monster you know? Sort of as if I want everyone to be mad at and blame me so I'd have more reason to hate myself for this." He says looking down, fiddling with his fingers, "That's why I followed Clary on her mission to try and bring her mom back from the dead. I went against not only everything I knew that was right and wrong but also put myself and her well-being in danger because I could see how badly she wanted her back."

Magnus runs his hand over Alec's cheek, looking at him not with pity but with understanding, "My poor Alexander. You let go of what you knew was best so you could what? Try and get Clary to forgive you? Alec, she's already forgiven you and doesn't blame you for any of this. No one does. Your mind is overpowering the truth behind this matter. You are not at fault. You're being much too hard on yourself and let your own current self-hatred cloud your judgment."

Alec shrugs, "That's easier said than done and you know that just as well as I do. I don't know how to not feel this way. Lately everything's been so out of control. I was in a coma and the minute I come out of one, I kill one of my friend's and my parabatai's mother. Then when trying to defend and save Clary from this ridiculous warlock, she gets me down in seconds and of course Jace and Isabelle are saving the day. I'm weak and all I've caused is pain."

"Alexander, look at me." Magnus says and Alec still refuses to look up lightly shaking his head, "Alec, please."

He looks up, eyes wet with unreleased tears and a slightly quivering lip and Magnus grabs both of his hands.

"Alec you are strong. You are so very strong. You are not weak by any means necessary, and you are one of the most caring, selfless, and considerate people I have ever met in my life, and you and I both know, I've been here a while." Alec scoffs out a small laugh that Magnus can't decipher whether it's in response or self-deprecating before continuing, "Do you realize that you literally put your entire life in danger just to find Jace, and then was one of the only if not only people to actually come out of a coma that significant, and with only really a day of rest, go back on a mission? Not to mention, in case you forgot, you came out in front of some of the most important members of the Clave at your wedding. I don't think anyone who wasn't strong as hell would be able to do that? Do you?"

Alec slightly smiles and croaks out his response, "No." and Magnus smiles at him, "Exactly. Give yourself a break."

He wipes the small tears under his eyes, stands up and gives Magnus a tight hug and Magnus reciprocates just as equally.

"Thank you Magnus, I don't think you know how much I needed to really get that out and talk to someone." The taller one says leaning in to his shoulder, "I appreciate it more than you know."

Magnus nods, partly into his chest, breaking up the hug, "Don't thank for me for being their for you when you needed me, it's what you deserve. It's okay to let yourself feel whatever you need to feel Alexander, just don't villianize yourself, especially to the point where you become self-destructive okay?"

Alec smiles down at him, blushing slightly, "Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> thats it :) follow my handles: bitellectualmag on twitter and darrenchristsupastar on tumblr :)


End file.
